New data released by the leading reviews website carehome.co.uk has revealed a significant gender disparity among children seeking care for their parents. carehome.co.uk has found that out of 10,718 care seekers who enquired about a care home for their parents between May to December 2023, almost two thirds (65%) were women.
This means daughters are disproportionately taking on the responsibility of organising their parents’ care, a task which can be very time-consuming and emotionally challenging.
January is the peak month for looking for a care home with daughters and sons often only realising their parent needs residential care when they see them over the Christmas period. carehome.co.uk saw a big spike in traffic to the site at the beginning of 2023, with nearly 350,000 more people visiting its site in January 2023 than in December 2022.
Further data from carehome.co.uk reveals that in most cases, a care home is needed relatively urgently, with 20% (one in five) of care seekers needing to find a care home within a week, and 38% within a month and 25% within 1-3 months. Given the time constraints, this can make finding the right care home even more daunting and stressful for the children who are taking on this responsibility on behalf of their parents.
Speaking to carehome.co.uk, Cheryl Hossle described the challenges she personally faced when seeking long-term care for her parents. Cheryl had to look for care for both her parents when her mum Joyce, who had vascular dementia, needed permanent care, and her dad, Derek, who has been caring for her at home, needed respite care.
Cheryl did eventually find a care home but was dealt a setback when it gave notice to her parents, and she had to start searching again. “There was a huge sense of responsibility, as I had to look at what my parents’ needs were, but also think about future needs. There are social and emotional aspects when making choices, in addition to meeting physical needs,” she said.
“Looking for the care home was difficult, especially as the previous home had given a deadline of five weeks to find another home. There were some very busy weeks, when I made many phone calls,” Cheryl remembers.
Cheryl says she investigated over 30 homes before finding the right one, which took up a lot of time and resources. “I didn’t visit them all, but I did phone calls and drive-bys and trawled through the CQC reports. I was looking for reliability and solidly good reports and I also looked at the activities they offered.”
It was a huge relief when she finally found St Faith’s Nursing Home in Cheltenham, which is part of the charity Lilian Faithfull Care, as Cheryl could finally let go of the immense pressure of having to make the right choice.
After 62 years of marriage her parents were able to stay together during a period that turned out to be the last six weeks of her father’s life.
“For my parents the most important thing was a shared room. Looking back, now my father has passed away, this is a huge comfort knowing that my parents were together at the end.
“It remains a huge relief to have found St Faith’s. The quality of care is exceptional. The carers are constantly telling me snippets about my mother’s week and this is something I look forward to when I visit each week.”
Joyce and Derek had a double room in St Faith’s Fairhaven Suite which specialises in end of life care. “The carers were so brilliant and very gentle with him. I honestly don’t think you could get better care. When the phone call came saying that Dad had passed away, the nurse who called me was able to talk me through the next steps and what we needed to do.”
Commenting on finding care for a parent, Sue Learner, editor of carehome.co.uk, said: “Women are often being squeezed from both ends and are on the brink of burnout, pulled between the needs of their parents and their children.
“They are often juggling full-time jobs with looking after their children’s emotional and physical needs as well as supporting ageing parents.
“Being part of the sandwich generation can be hugely stressful and women tend to be ridden with guilt and have endless to-do lists. Finding a care home can be a complex task that only adds to this burden which is why carehome.co.uk’s reviews of care homes can simplify the search and its free care helpline can be instrumental in supporting people who are time-poor in selecting the right home for their loved one.”
Picture depicts Derek & Joyce from Lilian Faithfull